Struggle Bus Destination: Imposter Syndrome Lane

This was a rough week. I feel like I’ve been saying that every week since the beginning of the year. And there wasn’t anything particularly bad about this week. Work is work. I wound up with a couple hours of overtime, but there wasn’t anything overly stressful about it, just timing of things meant I stayed a bit late a couple days this week. It’s also about to get more interesting for me I think.

Tomorrow I return to the plant. I’m still not going to be back on the floor, but I am looking forward to not spending my entire day at the office. I’ll be learning how to take over the meetings with the managers in order to free up some of my other team members so they can be available for additional customer tasks as needed. I’m a little nervous. I liked the nitty gritty of shop work, even if I wasn’t doing it personally, but sitting in meetings with upper level managers is a different monster. I’ll have to be on my best behavior at all times. I doubt it will be the laid back atmosphere I was used to with the mechanics.

To be honest, the best part about this change to my new position is that my schedule returns to more of a first shift schedule. I can be home by 4 instead of leaving work to fight rush hour traffic at 430. I didn’t realize how much I had come to appreciate that shift. Yeah it means I have to get up earlier and leave earlier, but my afternoon is freed up. I have more time to decompress after work before settling in to write.

Which brings me to the meaning behind the title of today’s post. It may come as no surprise to some of my regular readers, but I have been in quite a slump the last few weeks. This week was the worst by far, at least as far as the writing goes, and I have data to back it up.

Since the start of the year, I’ve been using a free word tracker that was created by a SFF author I follow on Twitter. (I may have followed her specifically because she created this word tracker and it has pushed me to stay on top of my goals. Did I mention it’s free? She is a saint.) Every day before bed (or at midnight if I’m still up writing) I update my word count for the day. It tracks the count for the week as well as total for the year. I added cells to track my monthly count and average daily word count by week and month.

To hit my annual target of 200k, I need to write an average of 548 words per day. I’m currently ahead of pace on that. We’re 61 days in which means I should be at 33.4k words for the year. I’m sitting pretty atop 45.5k, a daily average of 747. “That’s excellent,” you say. “You should be proud,” you say. I am proud. I’ve written 61 days in a row. But this week was still rough, and I can see that in the abysmal sub-500 average I put up this week. I also haven’t had a 1k day in almost two weeks. (Although that might change today depending on how much more I ramble on here.)

I’m only concerned about the numbers in the sense that they prove what I intuitively know. I haven’t written as much the last week or two that I had at the start of the year. And that shows I am indeed on the struggle bus. As far as the destination goes, the imposter syndrome is strongest when the words don’t seem to want to flow.

I see the decline in word count and quality and wonder if I’m not just being foolish. Panic sets in and I wonder who I think I am, calling myself a writer when I feel like I’m not writing anything new. When I haven’t even finished a novel or polished a short story. I haven’t even touched any of my novel WIPs outside of the handful of blog posts I’ve written in their worlds.

I know I’ll break out of my funk and get back into it. The blog and the daily prompts help. They keep me in the habit at the very least. I should make more time to read all the books on my TBR pile. Can’t write well if you don’t read new things. My return to an earlier schedule at work should also help me break out of my slump, since I’ll feel more refreshed by the time I get around to writing. And finally, spring is almost here. The days are getting longer and Daylight Savings Time is next week so it will be lighter later. I think I miss the fresh air and sunlight.

Anyway, that’s enough feeling sorry for myself for one blog post. Time to look forward to the week of prompts ahead. Lets see what we’ve got on deck for this week.

219. What do you believe happens after we die?
220. What do you look for when deciding whether or not to date someone?
221. Who has been the best leader of your country, past or present (e.g., president, royalty, prime minister, etc.)?
222. Have you ever been cheated on?
223. What are your thoughts about euthanasia?

Wow. Those are some loaded questions, aren’t they? I guess I’ll just have to work with them. With any luck, I’ll have the morning off of work tomorrow due to the snow and maybe wind up with some extra time to write this week! I feel like that would certainly help me get off the struggle bus.

Have a great night! Hope your weekend was relaxing and refreshing! I’ll see you tomorrow!

PS-Like these prompts? Like the short stories I write based on these prompts? Want to show your support? Give the blog a follow! Leave a comment! Buy me a coffee! I put a lot of time and effort into these posts and your support means the world to me! Ok, now go out there and write!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s