Prompt 185-Bad Dating Ads

Make up a really awkward description or ad for an online dating site.

TheWomanTheLegend: Tricentenarian wolf girl seeking dark and brooding potential mate. Preferably not much taller than me, good with a sword and able to take a punch. Will stay at my side and help me fight the hordes of demons that are after me because of some stupid Prophecy. Won’t manipulate me into murdering everyone I love. Likes long companionable silences on a cliff overlooking the sea under a full moon.

FireWolfSpawn: 18F not actively seeking anyone but won’t say no to a good time. Age, sex not a factor, must be pretty and strong, and definitely pretty strong. Should probably laugh at my stupid jokes, I probably won’t lose my temper if you don’t. Conversation is fine too, just do not ask about my mother unless you want to find out just how short my fuse is. Psychics need not message.

Spazzy1: 26F seeking exciting adventure partner. Must be light on your feet and down for spontaneous activities. Must be ok with not knowing what I look like under my mask. Probably shouldn’t be a pirate but I definitely won’t kill you if you are, pinky promise. No trips to the Shrouded Isles as I am banned from all of them. The world has much more to explore anyway!

ThisIsYourCaptainSpeaking: 32 pirate captain seeking crew. Must have undying love for the sea and good at taking orders. No skills required, though sword handling and knot tying are a plus. Must have a strong stomach and questionable morals. Females need not apply. The only women in my life are my ship and the sea and I won’t let anyone betray them. Ninjas are right out.

EverythingsHaysey: 24F seeking a quiet partner. Preferably a Reader with Silencing capabilities. Must not be afraid of objects sometimes spontaneously flying/floating nearby. Must be willing to travel. A lot. Through the wilderness. For weeks at a time. Don’t worry about water though, I can always find some. Should be able to hold one’s own in a fight; you never know what you might encounter out in the Wastes.

TheFlashInTheDome: 24M seeking a good time. Fastest man alive. Loves food. Loves jokes. Loves a good scotch. Only in town for the night so hit me up before I disappear on you. 😉

HunterHunted: 27M seeking answers. They have to be out here. I’ll find the secrets the old ones buried. Can’t let her find them first. Can’t let him get them first. Have to be the first. Have to keep her safe from him. Must not let him destroy her. Must protect her to protect the world. If you know anything about Serenity, please contact me.

Notes: Man there are some bad dating profiles out there. I, myself, have never used an online dating site, so I had no idea what even went into such a thing and went a-Googling. My oh my, some of these have to be fake. There’s just no way! I wasn’t sure I could parody them without straight up plagiarizing so I just decided to write up some profiles for a handful of my characters. It was rather entertaining, I have to admit. In order we have Ali, Mika, Kita, Leo, Lara, Midge, and Shane.

I did not think I would get so many words out of this one when I saw the prompt over the weekend, but I’m glad I was able to turn it into something as long as it is. It was a fun exercise in boiling my characters down to a small blurb to make them appeal to other characters, or perhaps what attracts them to their in-story LIs.

What bad/awkward dating ads have you ever read? Have you ever tried making one for your characters? Try it now! You might be surprised by how easy they come to you! Have a great night! See you tomorrow!

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